December 4th, 2021
As we approach Christmas this year, my life looks very different than it did just 2 years ago. For one thing, my mother was still alive, and even though she was battling cancer she was tentative and able to carry on conversations and experience the joy and love of the holidays. For another, Helen and I were not married nor engaged and honestly we knew we would get there but I really didn't have a plan in place.
Christmas this year is also different for things that will simply never be the same. We are expecting our first baby, a girl named Laniakea, in February (most likely January) and this is the last Christmas of just - us.
A vast majority of my feelings about this are positive. However, there are things that I will simply need to be more intentional with - things like spending quality time with Helen and encouraging her as she spends 24/7 with Lani (what a nickname am I right?). Right now those things are easy, I come home from work and she get's home soon after and we have dinner, watch a movie/show, and then lay in bed for about 30 minutes talking about all things before we go to sleep. - it's absolutely beautiful.
The thing is, I really couldn't be more excited to be a dad. I feel like a huge majority of what the Lord has been preparing me for, is in the opportunity to raise up impactful leaders in this next generation. I already know that being a father will be the most important ministry in my life - no matter what job I have, no matter what our finances look like, no matter how hard it seems to actually be present for my children, no matter how little "me time" I have.. I will be there, teaching, loving, hugging, kissing, and training my children to live generous and intentional lives. - Lani, you get to experience this first, and I couldn't be happier.
I know I won't be the perfect father, that's not the expectation Helen has of me. Frankly that is not the expectation I have of myself. The expectation I do have of myself is that my presence will always be felt by my children and my wife, and they will never question the love of The Father or the love of their father.
My prayer today: Lord, thank you for the breath in my lungs. Help me today to lead intentionally and love unconditionally. Prepare me for fatherhood and raise my capacity to love and serve my wife and children as the chaos increases. Let our home ever be peaceful for our family and our honored guests. Give me vision for the future and wisdom for the waves. Let us rest in your presence and rise in your faithfulness, let us never take one step away from you. We love you Lord, amen.